Episode 80 transcript

I'm actually going to be opening this week's episode with a trigger warning. Um, I'm going to talk for a few minutes about Dante, right? And so if that's something that's triggering for you, um, you know, please don't feel like you have to listen. You can either scroll through, um, or just skip this episode is entirely okay. I'm not going to go too deep, but I'm just going to let you know that it felt it was really tricky for me to record a podcast this week. Because today, as at the time I'm recording, this is Tuesday, April 13th. And yesterday is when we learned about when new spread about Dante ripe, the young man, the 20 year old black man

In Minneapolis that was

Killed by a police officer. Um, sorry, the door chime is going off because my door's opening. This is real life. Um, but I've been delaying recording this episode because my, I just didn't have that usual, you know, thing. And so when I sat with this for awhile, um, first I recorded a real yesterday because I, I felt like some things needed to be said a couple of weeks ago. I, and I'm going to share some background to the real, the, you may have seen it, but if you didn't see it, it's basically,

Um, a 32nd

Clip. Cause that's the max you get on an Instagram reel of

My thoughts on a post that

Shared a couple of weeks ago when the Duke of Hastings from Britain announced that he would be leaving Richardson and

The amount I had to pause

For a minute because my kids got home and stormed my bedroom while I'm recording a podcast. Okay. A couple of weeks ago, I shared this Duke of Hastings, leaving Richardson. The amount of people that replied to that IgE story

Was like off the charts,

You know? And I don't have a huge following and I don't have a ton of people interacting with my stories. I really don't. It's not like in the thousands by far, but that day, that morning when I woke up the next morning, I was like, wow, this really moved a lot of people that this man

Than an actor is

Not coming back for a second season. Yes. Myself included. I was like a little heartbroken because obviously,

But what was interesting

To me was how all of these white women came out of the woodwork, like so disturbed and had such, you know, had responses. And I'm not saying every single person that responded was this right. But like people that, I didn't know, people that I'd never talked to, people that I hadn't heard from. And I was like, Oh, you're here hanging out in the community. And when I, this is going to sound really crummy. This is where I'm at. And I was like, wow, if all of those people had such a reaction to other things, other black people's experiences, not this one wealthy, famous black man, that's not going to be in season two of a show, but like real, real people in the real world. I mean, he's in the real world too. Like somebody else's real world, not mine, not ours, but you know what I mean, if we had this kind of reaction, how might this be different?

If that, if me sharing a post, a blog about black maternal health week, right? Which assets, the time I'm recording, this is black maternal health week had that much response. It would be really encouraging, you know? And I thought, huh. Okay. And so I kind of, I kind of cataloged that thought and I just held onto it like, okay, well, is this something I'm noticing? And then I didn't give much more thought to it. There were other things in my personal life that were happening that I was noticing and that are related. But then on Monday, yesterday when we found out about Dante, right, that's when I created the real, like all of the white women that were so outraged over the Duke of Hastings, leaving the show. If you could tap into that outrage for this real cause that really matters, you know, that this thing that's happening, the sickness that permeates this country that's happening still. So that feeling, you know, I made a real about it. I guess I just made it real about it so that I could share with my community. And it wouldn't only live on my Instagram stories for 24 hours, but that it would live on my feed.

And that was yesterday. And today, you know, it just still felt today's the day that my episode would be due to the editor. And I was like, while I still feel heavy in my feelings from yesterday and this doesn't feel like a get back to business kind of day. And so I didn't, and I did today. I had a mastermind group call. And so I supported my people and held space for them and, you know, loved on them. And we meditated together and it felt really beautiful and it felt really important. And also I didn't force myself to do anything else. Um, I'm recording this episode because I thought, you know what? There is something I want to share about. I want to tell you about something I did last week,

Last week for the first time in probably eight years or more, my son is seven and a half. And it was probably when I was pregnant with him. Or even before that, I don't even know was the first time I went to the beach by myself in probably eight plus years. And I live pretty close to the beach. Right. I'm in Florida and I'm not that far. And I love the beach. It's like the one, it's my place. It's my place where I can sit in the sand and just sit on the earth and feel so calm.

Okay.

And I needed it. I needed it so badly.

Okay.

And as a mother of three young children, it was a whole thing, right? Like my kids are in school. Thank God. Still here in Florida, school is happening. It's open. So we have a place for them to go, but like, I can't make it to the beach. And back within the short window that my littlest is in school. So I had nanny coverage for a couple of hours in the afternoon. And so I went and listen, I knew that I needed this in my soul. And yet I tried to talk myself out of it all the way to the driver's seat, to getting in the car, turning it on and pulling out of the house. I was like, thinking I have so much to do. I have this, this, this, this, this, this isn't done. That's not done the podcast isn't done. And I have a to-do list.

That's a mile long. And everybody listening to this is probably like, Oh my gosh, yes, laundry. That needs to be folded and dishes that need done and dinner that needs cooking and stuff, life stuff. And then I was like, actually, that's exactly why I should go do this, not a thing. And I'm going to go to the beach and I'm not going to work. I'm not bringing any work. Well, that's not entirely true. I brought my phone and I was boxing my clients on the way. Right? Like I've boxed my private clients, meaning it's an app that I use like a walkie talkie. It's kind of like messenger. I'm not typing while I'm talking or driving, but at red lights or whatever, I talk into my phone, I box. But while I was there for a couple hours, the goal was no, no work.

I just need to be with myself. And it was glorious. And I'm so glad that I did it. And I wanted to tell you this because every single one of us, this is homework that I gave my mastermind clients, the dualism business mastermind. They got homework to check out and do nothing. Now. Not everybody lives close to the beach. I know, but like, everybody's got to have some grass nearby that you can walk to stand in the grass, sit in the grass. If you need to sit in the car, sit in the car. If you need to go sit at a park by yourself, go sit at a park. Like wherever you can go and just be alone. Even if it's only for, you know, half an hour,

Whatever

Amount of time is fine. But with no agenda, no work required.

And just allow yourself to just be present in the moment

We live in a time where hustle, culture feels like what we're supposed to subscribe to.

And I'm guilty. I'm a good worker. And I'm also,

I'm also just very, I don't want to say type a fish, but I like to get, I, I like to be productive. I'm high performing individual and I like to be productive. And so it is really hard for me to check out and do nothing. It's very, very hard because I think of all the other things I could get done in that time. But here's the thing. If I keep going like that, I will burn out. If you keep going like that, you will burn out. You cannot continue like that. It's not sustainable. And we were not designed to work that way. We were not designed to pump, pump, pump, work, work, work, work, push, push, push, push. We were not designed to post to social media every single day of our lives. And just to remind you like, you don't work for Instagram. And I like posting to Instagram when I have something to say, or when I have something to talk about, I don't like to force it. That never feels good to me.

And this

From somebody who has a digital doulas content toolkit with 365 topic ideas, that doesn't mean that you have to post every single thing, you know, every day for an entire year with one of those topics. It's just that it felt like a really fun way to package it. But really like nobody's going to burn through that, that toolkit in one year. That's not what it's meant for. It's meant to last a really long time, honestly. Um, I don't post every day. And so if you feel this pressure, or if social media quote, experts are telling you, you have to post every day, you have to do this. You have to do that. You have to, you don't have to do anything. You don't work for Instagram. Instagram is not your boss. You are in charge in case you needed someone to tell you, I'm telling you your in charge of your life, of your business, of how you design your business and how frequently you post.

And if you're listening to this as a birth worker, there's a good chance. You're an energy worker. And if you are an energy worker posting every day, sounds like seven Hills. And so it's okay. You don't have to do that. You don't have to do that to be successful. You don't have to do that to get clients and it will lead to burnout. So this is your, this is me giving you permission, not just permission, but advice to check out. I think collectively, this is something that's needed right now. That's what it feels like. Many of us just need to take this time to schedule it in our calendar. So pause the episode, open the calendar on your phone, or get out your planner and find a date right now within, let's say within the next month, find it find a day when you can have a little pocket of time, as much as you can, let Alicia, whatever you can do and schedule it, schedule it when the kids will be in school or when a grandparent can come by or your best friend can watch your daughter.

Um, you know, when you have coverage so that, you know, it can be your time and no matter what excuses come up, you should not feel guilty for this. You are worthy of taking a break. You deserve it. It's okay. Everybody's going to be okay with you checking out more. So everybody's going to be so much better off when they have the version of you that has gifted yourself. That checkout, because when you're burning out, everybody feels that energy. And so to show up better for yourself, which that's really what this is all about. And for your family, it benefits them to check out and then think about it like this. I want you to journal on this. How does the entire world, my entire world and the entire world benefit from me, checking out. If you have been feeling, especially overwhelmed, anxious, or heavy feelings, Maybe it has to do with, you know, life, maybe it has to do with business. Maybe it has to do with what's in the news. Maybe it has to do. What's been happening with, what's been happening to our family for years and years and years, right? And

Whatever you're feeling, you need to tap out and take a break and reset. When you do that, like I said, a minute ago, you, you get to show up differently, right? How does that benefit the world? But also that's how we expand. If clarity is something you're looking for and you just feel confused or all these things are running through your head. Oftentimes I find clarity by pulling back a little bit, going inward that and listening. And that's when things come through for me. So that is my homework for you today in this episode is to schedule your break and report back, tell us in the doulas going digital group, or you can comment on it somewhere on my Instagram or, you know, wherever feels good to you that you're hanging out with us, tell us, or tag me if you do, uh, this is the best.

Yes, this is accountability at its finest. Tag me in it, take a picture or it didn't happen. It does not have to be photographer quality, snap it with your phone, take a picture, share it to your Instagram or your ID stories. Encourage others to check out too. This applies to your, uh, your clients. Think about what you tell your posts or your pregnant clients for how they, you know, how they can have a great popup postpartum experience. You know, one of the, one of the most profound pieces of advice I ever got preparing for postpartum was to allow myself to just do nothing. Well, you know, you're caring for a human, right? You're not doing nothing, but you know what I'm saying? Like check out it's okay. Post. Pardon me? It's okay to check out. It's actually important to check out rest. You have a wound, the size of a placenta healing right now inside your body, inside your uterus advice, and then tell your community, write a post about it, about why it's important for them to check out too.

If your community are new parents at any stage, if they're even pregnant with the first one, they need to check out right now and take a break. If they are pregnant with number three, they need to check out and take a break. If they're postpartum with number one, two, three, 10, they need to check out and take a break. You know that that's something you would tell them. So this is going to be the homework assignment. Take a picture. Does not have to be a fancy picture or branding, photographer, whatever. Take it with your phone. Post it, write about it, make a video about it. Whatever feels good to you. Tag me in it. This is going to be the collective checkout week. Now I'm feeling really good. Now I'm starting to feel good because it feels like we're onto something here. So this episode is going to come out on Tuesday, April 20th, your homework for the week.

And I want to hear about it all over social media is the collective birth worker checkout and tag me in it and I will share it. And I want to see what you're doing. I want to see your 10 minutes or your 10 hours or your three days in a hotel by yourself, whatever it is for you, whatever it is for you. Please tell me if you're taking a bath. You know, if you're taking, I don't know, an extra long shower or whatever, mother's day is around the corner. My birthday's coming up may is coming wherever you live. If it's cold, summer is right around the corner. Like let's check out so that we can just pull back and then be ready to expand because expansion is, is coming on the other side of this. All right, friends, I'm excited to hear what you did for the week. See you soon.