Episode 78 transcript

Hey everyone full disclosure. It is six 30 in the morning, uh, during spring break. And this, I just wanted to let you know that I'm recording this episode as a great example of just getting it done. Now, I didn't wake up early just to do this. I get up early. I've been up for a little while. I also know that my kids are going to be up soon and I will be mom and hard, and I probably won't be able to do this later today. So I'm choosing to get it done in perfectly with early morning voice and crusty eyes. I still have my glasses on, I have half pajamas on and half exercise. So I have my yoga pants and grippy socks with intention to do some kind of movement this morning. We'll see how it goes. Okay. Let's go ahead and dive in to what I want to talk about this week.

Uh, and that is the importance of all of us bringing our own uniqueness to this industry. So I want to start with sharing a story, um, about an online course purchase that I made. And let me just dive in. So when Amani, many of you know, I have a, almost three she's two and a half, I'm going to hold it there she's two and a half. Yeah. When she was a baby, she was, she didn't sleep as well as my other two. And I was really struggling at five months and I purchased an online sleeping course from a very well-known person that teaches online sleep well, it teaches online classes about babies and sleeping. I don't want to mention any names you might already know, but I'm just going to leave it at that. She came home highly referred, and I had heard about her through lots of groups.

Um, and I was desperate. I was just, there was a lot going on and I was desperate for some rest. She's really, um, well-known in that specific niche, right? And I read a lot of reviews, heard great things about the class I've watched the class, found it to be pretty helpful. So I began referring people to her. I was not an affiliate or anything. Um, meaning I never got paid to refer people in my motherhood, in my empowered moms community. I never got paid to refer people to her. I just, you know, she was the one that I had known about and had a pretty good experience with. So I referred her business fast forward a couple years too, about a few months ago. And I like online that she was making major contributions and funding, um, a particular presidential candidate that I personally loathe.

And so I felt sick to my stomach. My face was on fire when I saw that, um, not only right that I purchase her course, but I had been referring people to her to make more money for this specific topic. And so effectively I was funding that presidential candidate, you know, and it made me sick and I was really disturbed. I mean, it's one of those things that you can't beat yourself up over. I wasn't feeling, you know, hard on myself, just not happy about the situation in general. I get that everybody has different beliefs. That's just felt beyond political. Um, and so it, this is not one of those things where, you know, we're disagreeing on ice cream flavors, you know, um, this was kind of a big deal to me, uh, as it was a lot of people this year. And so I didn't beat myself up.

I just felt like, okay, you know, better, you have to do better. And so as I've been processing that experience and many others, this was just the one that stood out to me when I wanted to record this episode this morning is I'm coming away with some takeaways and I want to share what those are. So the first is obvious now that I know better, I'm doing better. I'm much more diligent about vetting in my life. So I vet where I put my money, whoever for business, to who comes into the duals, going digital Facebook group, who comes into empowered moms, who I take on as clients. Um, you know, my vetting process is definitely different than it used to be. It used to be when you requested to join stuff, I would basically confirm that you were doulas going digital. For example, I used to just make sure that you were a birth professional, um, and not a creeper.

And now I take the extra step. And sometimes you just can't tell by looking at people's public Facebook, you know, you just don't know. Um, so it's, it's not that it's a, it's a tricky thing, right? But if there are glaring things standing out to me then, um, that we just don't, we don't align in that way. Um, I'm just more careful with that, right. And who I take on as clients. And I think that's an important message as we go through life is being conscious of where you're putting your money, um, where you can make investments and purchase things from companies that support things that you have interests in. You know, that you have an aligned interest with people that make contributions to organizations and you won't always know, it's not always possible to find out, you know, but to the extent that you can, it is worth going the extra, you know, the extra steps.

Okay. Number two, the second takeaway I want to share with you about processing this experience. And this is really, I think the, um, most important part of this episode is that I hope this will help you in your birth business, no matter what specific corner of the birth industry you're working in. And no matter how many people are in the online space in this industry, there is no such thing as competition. Um, your specific, yeah, all of you is needed because we all have our people. We all have our voice. We all have our own perspective. We all have our own energy and values. So what you bring to the table, you know, I often feel like earlier business owners or newer business owners, newer doulas and break professionals. Um, and I did to feel like we have to be super professional and, you know, keep our personal opinions and values and such aside, sorry, I have a little bit of a sore throat with my, our, the pollen is like attacking me in Florida right now.

I feel perfectly fine for the record. It's just, my throat is sore point being, we need your uniqueness matter hat. So an example is no matter how many people are now offering virtual doula support, if you look at that and say, Oh, there's just so much competition. How will I ever stand out? You know, there's so many people doing this. What's the point or online birth classes. I've heard this a lot too, as people are considering joining course creation for doulas. Well, so many people are offering online classes. Now, why would I bother why bother, why bother this person has this? And this person has that. And there's all these big companies and, you know, or even small that are handling that niche. So why would I, and this is a great example of why, right? Because she has big arguably probably one of the biggest and not specific, very specific category.

I mean, she was on good morning America, right? She has a big organization. It feels like, it seems like, and still I would not put my money with her again. I do not trust her. Right. And don't align with her and I don't trust her. And so, so for the sleep experts of the world who are considering making a course, make your course and allow yourself to get personal and your business and let people know who you are, let people get to know your perspective and what you value. What's important to you. It's not just, you know, the ABC one, two threes of sleeping like that is part of it. But your uniqueness is why people want to buy from you. You see what I'm saying? Whether you're, you know, the same thing with birth classes, right? So there are online birth classes out there that are very cookie cutter.

There's a wide range. You guys know this, there's a wide range of types of birth classes, what the values are and, um, what types of settings they really prepare you for. And, you know, more natural geared more, hospital-based geared more. If you're in a hospital, it's going to be not going to be, but it may be more focused on interventions and knowing what the hospital's protocols are. Right? And so if you're teaching a birth course, your uniqueness is important. People buy my birth course because they vibe with my energy and the way that I approach birth and think about birth. And when I talk about birth online, I'm not the most, I don't use the most, um, technical jargon. I don't because the people that I'm speaking to, it's not that they're not concerned about that. It's just that it's, it's, uh, they appreciate the way I speak about it.

I'm very direct and very straightforward. Um, I simplify things. I keep it simple, many of my ideal clients, which was really, uh, an older version of me are not planning to be an OB, um, or a midwife. And so keeping it simple was what was important to me. And that's something that I do in my birth classes. No. Yeah. Like when I'm teaching a full birth course. Yeah. Obviously I do go into some more detail, but the way that I talk about things online is just very straightforward and very simple. Um, and so you can apply that to you, to your business. How do you think about birth? What's your perspective on different things? What are the things that you value what's really important to you? VBAC is something that is very, very close to my heart near and dear to my heart. So having a VBAC version of my course was very important to me.

And a lot of the VBAC discussion in my course is speaking to the mindset and what it really means to prepare for a VBAC, because to me, that's a very important part of it. Right. And so think about what's your perspective on the fourth trimester? What was the most important thing to you? What were the things that were missed during pregnancy when you were preparing for postpartum? Did you even understand what postpartum was? You know, or did it seem for me? I never, in the beginning I had no idea. I just thought postpartum meant depression. I really didn't understand that there was this whole window, 12 week plus window, that was postpartum, that there was so much that would happen with me. I had no idea. I had no idea why I was completely losing it one morning when my husband was using Q-tips, I heard his Q-tip container.

It's like a metal container. So you can hear it opening and closing. And I heard the metal clicking together and I just lost it and started balling because he got to use Q-tips like, it's laughable now to look back. And he was wearing jeans, the audacity, because we were going to Ethan's first doctor's appointment at the pediatricians. And obviously I was still in maternity clothes and I didn't even know I would still be in maternity clothes. Like I just, I didn't know anything. And I was crying that morning because he got to use Q-tips to clean his ears. And I didn't, I felt like I didn't get to do that, which is silly. All I had to do was stand up and walk in the bathroom and use them. But like my brain wasn't functioning that way, you know? And when he came out to take Ethan to go to the pediatrician with me, he had on jeans, I was so upset and I just started crying again.

And he's like, what did I do? You know? And it, and I'm like thinking in my head, how dare you? Like, who do you think you are to read jeans when I'm like this? You know, I'm a few days post C-section. I am bleeding. I'm in pain. I am emotionally a wreck. I haven't slept, I am wearing maternity clothes. I smell, I fell in the blank, you know? And I just I'm rambling. But the point, you know, my point, right? Like what were the things that were really important to you as a postpartum doula? What's your perspective on some of these things? What about nutrition? What about eating? I didn't know what to eat. I had granola bars, which is not the worst thing, but I had a stash of granola bars in my table. And I thought I was, I thought I was doing really well with that.

You know, but it's granola bars. Aren't terrible. They're not bad. It's just, there are a lot of things that would have been much more nourishing to my healing body at the time. I just had no idea. So what are the things that are that important to you? What's your perspective and we need your voice. We need what you represent. Right? And so, no matter how many people are offering online courses, online classes, virtual birth support, even in person stuff, no matter how many people are out there, I, there is no such thing as competition. It's, it's not real. It's not real because what's meant for you is yours. You just have to do your part. You have to do your part and show up. I mean, some manifestation people, you know, not people, but people that are into manifestation might say that, well, you can just lay in bed and like manifest your way to whatever.

Maybe that's possible for them. For me, manifestation and creating things that I want in my life are doing the manifestation and energy work and visualization work and all of that. And then showing up and doing my part. And so, as it pertains to this car, this conversation that is creating the opportunities for people to hire me, creating the opportunities, to teach about the things that are important to me about birth prep, about VBAC, about how to make your own course, because yes, you need your own course. The world needs your courses. And I'll tell you another reason why and why competition is real. Okay.

It's my belief that we're all we are all here to help our people. Not everybody, right? I'm not here to help everybody. Definitely not. I have said no to clients in the last year that I never thought I would be somebody who says no to really money, but they're not my ideal people. They're not my ideal clients. We wouldn't be a good fit. And not that I was a jerk about it, but I told them that we're not a good fit. I'm not here to help everybody. You're not here to help everybody. We can't save everybody. We are here to help our people. I feel it's my belief. It's okay. If we disagree on this part, you know, you can take what feels good and leave the rest. And it's my belief that we are kind of assigned people. We're kind of matched to people that that's our person to help.

These are our people to help. And when you think about it, that way, it changes the way you approach business, because we're no longer putting out courses or programs or offerings wanting the most people in the world to buy it. I don't want the most people in the world to have to buy my course. I don't want that. That's not a great feeling. I want all of us to have our own versions of offers and courses and bring our uniqueness and our magic and for our specific people to find our courses. And there is no shortage of humans. There's no shortage of pregnant people. There's 130 million every single year. There is no shortage, right? And now that you're online, your clients could be anywhere. I have people that take my birth courses all over the world. Um, I have doula clients like in my doula business that have bought my online business courses, like course creation for doulas, as far as Australia, that is as far as it could possibly get, we are 15 and a half hours, time zone difference, um, times, you know, time difference away from each other.

It's incredible to me, the tools that we have available to us allow us to work with people anywhere, 130 million, as long as they have internet access, right? Most of them probably do are reachable. And so there's no reason why you can't be matched easily with your people all over the world. These days, they are out there looking for your uniqueness, the way you speak about something, something that you say on your podcast, or that you write on your blog, or that you write on Instagram, or that you send in an email to your email list, the way you say this one thing really resonates with them. That's what they needed to hear. And they want to learn the things from you. So that was a long winded explanation. But point being competition is not real. We all have space. There is an abundance of all the things and there's space for every single one of us to bring our own unique offerings, courses, programs, and support to this world and to the pregnant community at that's the version of your mission that's showing up in your life right now, one last thought, um, that I wanted to mention is it, this doesn't mean that you have to make things that are outside of your zone of genius.

And so what I mean by that is when somebody comes to, cause this has happened, um, I get invitations to offer and do different things. I'm a projector human design. And so I pay attention to invitation. So if somebody sends me a message, an email, or reaches out and asks me if I offer blank, I look at it and think, okay, this is the invitation. Just because somebody is asking for it or it's in the industry, doesn't mean I have to have it doesn't mean I have to create it. If it doesn't like me up and it's not something I enjoy, I'm not going to make it for things like that. I have trusted partners or collaborators or affiliates, people that I feel aligned with and that I feel good about sending business to. So I just wanted to make that caveat, you know, really clear that I'm not suggesting you have to make everything, make the thing that really feels good to you.

And then if something else feels good, do that too. And if something else feels good, do that too. But the things that are like, eh, not really all that interested in it, find your people, you know, and it bonus, if you can be an affiliate for them, meaning if you have somebody that you're aligned with and that, you know, like, and trust, and maybe they know like, and trust you, and you have an agreement with each other, that referred business, maybe for your passive courses, for example, is affiliate income. I have that set up on my courses that, um, some doulas are affiliates for. And, um, I have, for example, I have one client that she's a postpartum doula. Uh, she doesn't teach birth really. And she had a client that was preparing for VBAC and she referred her to my VBAC prep prep course.

And when the family used her link, she earned an affiliate income from me. And so that's an example of what it looks like. You know, she doesn't really want to make a VBAC course, at least not right now, but this was a way for her, you know, to earn additional income. It's an additional stream of income into her business. Um, we have a mutual trusting relationship. And for me, I don't mind paying affiliate income to her because it's a passive course. It's not any additional work on my behalf and you know, it's in that way. Right? Okay. So I hope this is really helpful for you, and I hope it inspires you to look at competition differently and to allow the world to hear your unique voice and your unique perspective, have a beautiful week.