Episode 54: The Illusion of Perfection
Hey everyone. And welcome to part four of the, get more clients series. If you miss the last couple of episodes, I would highly recommend going back and bingeing episodes, 51 52 53. And then of course this is 54. And so the topics of the series and getting more clients kind of guides you through part one, charging your worth and kind of digging deeper into what might be lying underneath the surface. There that's episode 51 52, which is part two of the series is shifting the lens on marketing and what it means to kind of reframe how we think about marketing. And then episode 53, part three of the series is on separating yourself from the crowd, putting yourself out there and why that's important and how to get started doing that for your business. And then this week is part four. And so what we're diving into is this illusion of perfection and how it is really just BS and part of a huge tail of stories that we've been told our entire lives about what perfect I'm putting quotes up. What perfect.
Speaker 2: (01:07)
Yes,
Speaker 1: (01:16)
Week's recording is a great example of that. I have been, um, as, at the time of this recording, I've just had a really busy couple of days. Haven't had a whole lot of free time, so I'm kind of squeezing things into place. And so for this episode, what I want you to know is that I am putting work out there. That's not perfect. Um, and my whole point of this episode is to encourage you to do the same. So you may think like, let's say starting a podcast is something that's been on your mind, but you think you have to have the next two years of, you know, episodes kind of penciled out and your first, you know, five episodes, batched, and ready to go. Um, which isn't a terrible idea, but also having full scripts of what you're going to say. And I don't ever have a script of what I'm going to say on the podcast.
Speaker 1: (02:02)
The best I have done yet is to have a kind of outline. And for this episode, what I'll tell you as my outline has one, two, three, four, four bullet points, that's it. And so this is very much moving forward, um, and letting go of that illusion of perfection. And I also want to back up and tell you that this whole podcast wouldn't even be a thing. If I was still living in that place of everything needing to be done perfectly, um, it was just a year ago. And so by the time this episode comes out, we will have just celebrated the one year anniversary of the doulas going digital podcast. And it was just over a year ago, last October of 2019, I was at a retreat with the mastermind that I am a member of. And remember retreats, remember traveling, Oh, I miss my people.
Speaker 1: (02:48)
I miss hugging my people. I know, you know, what I'm talking about. And so the podcast was something that I talked about at the retreat and it was something I had been penciling out a little bit and kind of thinking about, and there was a workshop at the retreat where one of the members talked about the importance of just moving forward and just doing B minus work. And it's that moment I realized that this podcast has to just happen. It's going to be B minus and it's just going to happen. And what I will say is that like everything else when I took that perspective and just, and I'm a straight a student, like that's my core as I have been a grid worker straight a student from day one. So accepting that B minus work is coming out of me was a hard pill to swallow.
Speaker 1: (03:33)
Um, but I realized that I'm not actually, I'm not a neurosurgeon, so it's okay. You know, like I'm not in the, I'm not in the, or it's okay if I'm getting started with B minus work. And a lot of people who listen to the podcast, you might be thinking, well, I really might not have known the difference. And that was the feedback I was getting for a long time. And I thought, okay, well maybe I was beating myself up too much. Maybe I was living in this place under this illusion of what perfection looked like. And what it meant was that it was stopping me from moving forward.
Speaker 1: (04:06)
And when I gave myself the grace to move forward with imperfect work, things just started getting done. I started taking action. And so after that workshop, we had a break where we were allowed to do some journaling. And, um, I sat down and just kind of, I just started brain dumping, podcast ideas on the flight home, which by the way, I hardly ever fly without Chuck, my children with me. And so it was a four hour flight and I'm like, well, I have four hours with nobody talking to me and nothing to do with my hands. So I wrote out like, I don't remember 50 something podcasts, episode titles. I haven't used all of them, but they were just, I just wanted to kind of get it going. And I started to record my very first, um, welcome episode that weekend when I went for a walk, um, into some app, I can't even remember right now, but some app on my phone that saved an audio clip and it was nothing fancy, but it was something to get me moving.
Speaker 1: (05:00)
It was to get the ball rolling. And I think that this is a really important lesson to learn when it comes to getting more clients, this theme that we've had in the get more clients series of, you know, marketing and moving forward and meeting people online and, or in person is knowing that you might not get it perfect. It doesn't need to be perfect. There is no such thing, right? You don't have to have perfectly curated Instagram, social media feeds. That's not a thing that's not necessary. We're not into fashion blogging and we're not in the business of having a perfect Instagram feed, right? You don't have to have professional branded images. Yes. It's awesome to work with a branding photographer. If you ever have an opportunity to do it and you can make it happen, go for it. But if you're snapping selfies with your iPhone or Samsung or whatever, Android, that's fine.
Speaker 1: (05:52)
It is fine. I have lots of, you know, selfie style snapshots, especially all during warranty. When I wasn't meeting with my photographer, it's okay. Their perfection is something that we are leaving in the past. That's something that moving forward, um, that I think a lot of us are learning from the last seven months in this world is that humanity is changing. You know, the white life. As we know it, the way we do business, the way we do life, the way we show up for our families, everything is changing. And one of the things that I am happy to say goodbye to is the illusion of perfection, because it creates, it creates such stagnation in us. You know, this freeze, you know, stagnant energy that if it's not perfect, then we just can't do it. And I want you to know that that is not a thing
Speaker 1: (06:47)
Moving on. After you listened to this episode, what can you do to move past the illusion of perfection? You can just be, you be yourself, whatever that looks like, just start, take the next step, whatever that is. If the next step is clicking, publish on a blog post, and you don't feel like it's perfect, click publish. Anyway, it's not set in stone. You know, this is not a, an absolute truth that you're writing into the world, that it can never be changed. If you go back later and you want to change something or edit or add to it, you can do that. You know, you can edit Instagram captions, you can edit Facebook stuff. You can do that. If you want to, or you can just keep moving forward and make something new another day. And a great example of this too, was for a long time, I felt like the story I was telling myself was that my writing was not good.
And I had the hardest time writing content for my social media. And I felt like I can't write the way that people I admire. Right. I'm not a good writer. And that was a story I was telling myself it wasn't perfect. So I'm not, I'm just not going to do it because it's not perfect. And that is crap. That is a crap story. Everybody is a good writer, you know, what is a perfect writer? And so the story that I began to tell myself is that actually my writing gets better and better every day. And so that's another thing I started doing is just showing up and writing. And it was not that great in the beginning. You know, I can look back at some of my very, very, very first Instagram posts and it's a little embarrassing,
But I continued to prioritize writing. And I found the time of day that my brain tends to function the best to put sentences together before the kids have siphoned my creative juice out of my head. And I just prioritize that block, that time block and say, okay, that's the period that I'm going to write before I get started on these other things, because I know that that's when I do my best writing and I'm going to practice. And every day I'm going to get better and better and better. And I think my writing has improved quite a bit. And so, you know, when you move past the illusion of perfection and you say, I'm going to do B minus work, and I'm just going to show up and do it. I'm giving yourself that grace, when you need to, to be consistent and a question that I often will ask myself, if I'm in that place of feeling like it's not perfect, or maybe I shouldn't do it, maybe it's not good enough.
Speaker 1: (09:09)
This is too hard. Maybe I'm not a great writer. Maybe I'm not a great blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not young enough. I'm not small enough. I'm not tall enough. I'm not thin enough. I'm not tan enough. I'm not, you know, whatever these crappy stories are that we're telling ourselves, I shift into this place of flow and how I do that is asking a question of what would make this thing feel fun. What would make this thing feel easy? And like, I just leave for the idea of needing to be perfect behind and whatever makes it feel fun and easy is what I go with. And so a great example, too, that I think will be helpful to anchor it in for you guys is a lot of doulas and childbirth educators ask me, um, you know, like how I got started teaching online.
You know, they want to kind of know how my birth classes that are online now, how they evolve to the point where they're at. And so what I think is really helpful for some people, and maybe I'll write about this too, is my first birth course was on Facebook live and it was free because back then I was very much in that place of this needs to be perfect. I should have should, should, should shut. And like, let's not should ourselves here. What would make it fun and easy? And I actually think my coach asked me that back then, and I felt like, you know, what, what would make this feel like no pressure. It's just to go live on Facebook and talk about earth because I like it. And I had an outline of things I wanted to make sure I talked about, and I just went, you know, I just kind of talked freely and that was a five day live birth class. And so the next iteration looked a little different than next iteration looked a little different and it continued to evolve to the point where now, today it is what it is now today it's a 10 to 11 module course, depending on if it's the first time moms course or the VBAC prep course.
And it got a little bit better each time. But the key was that I said, screw it to being perfect and just accepted B minus work, move forward and continued.
Speaker 1: (11:15)
So after you listened to this episode, I want you to sit and think, sit with your journal and think about what is holding me back from moving forward. What is the thing that is telling me that this isn't good enough or that isn't perfect enough or I'm not good enough? What is the thing that's holding me back and then ask yourself, is that a truth? Is that an absolute truth? My guess is that many of the stories we're telling ourselves are not true. They are lies. And there are stories that we picked up somewhere along the way along life, on business, along anywhere in our environment, um, that are not actually true. You know, this particular thing that you're facing, does it have to be perfect or can we just move forward and start somewhere? My suggestion would be just to start, just start somewhere and do it again. And then again, and then again, and know that you don't have to go from having nothing online. For example, today, if you're fresh from scratch and have like almost nothing on socials and you know, maybe don't even have a website done yet. You're not expected to go to this other place that you want to be overnight. You're not expected to do that. It's one small step after another is how you get there. And just continuing to take those small steps along the way.
Speaker 1: (12:32)
And obviously knowing that when, if times, you know, if there's times that you need to tap out, then you tap out and you honor what you need. And then when you're ready to get back in, you get back in and you keep moving forward. So the last question I'll leave you with for today's episode is what is one small step that you can take right now to move forward. That's going to help you get to that place. You want to be that version of you with that business, that business that has this or that, that serves this many clients per year, that has these online resources that offers this many in-person services. Think about that version of you. And what is the one step you can take today that will help you get closer to that version?