Episode 53: Separating Yourself from the Crowd

Speaker 1: (00:01)
Hello. Hello everybody. So welcome to part three of the four part series on getting more clients. And this episode, we're going to talk about how to separate yourself from the crowd, how to stand out online so that you can get more clients now, something that I've noticed since March, and you've probably all seen this and been a part of that is suddenly in March when we were kind of forced to stay home really and not be in person with our clients, uh, is that almost all doulas started offering virtual support services, whether it was, you know, virtual birth support, virtual postpartum, online childbirth classes, lots of things going on, zoom, you know, all of a sudden there was a sea of online support options, And this is not inherently a bad thing. The thing is that you guys have probably heard me talk about masculine energy in business. And if you are only looking at this through the masculine energy lens of business, that will tell you that this means there's more competition and it creates this, um, this worry, this concern that, Oh gosh, there's so many people doing this now, you know, there's way too much competition. How will I ever get clients type of thing?

Speaker 1: (01:20)
And the issue with worrying about competition like that is that this is very much a scarcity based mindset. So what that means is seeing this concept of all of these doulas, suddenly offering support and competing with you through the lens of scarcity or fear. Really. So if you're seeing this through the lens of fear, if you were listening to part one of this series in episode 51, when I talked about the course in miracles and how the premise is that we see things generally through the lens of love or through the lens of fear. So if we're seeing this as a lens of fear, you know, scarcity by means of fear, then that's telling us that there aren't enough clients to go around. That's a fear based perspective that there aren't enough potential clients. There aren't enough people to keep us in business. And there are too many doulas. There are too many people that are competing with us. It's a very fear based way of thinking, right? That's telling us there are a limited potential pool of clients and that if someone else books with that particular family, then that's less that's available for us. It's very limiting and low vibration way of thinking of living and being.

Speaker 1: (02:38)
And in a few minutes, I'm going to get to how to bring in the feminine energy perspective in terms of competition. So I'll get to that in just a minute, but first, what I want to talk about is that,

Speaker 2: (03:00)
Okay,

Speaker 1: (03:01)
We can take an assessment of how we're showing up online. If we're, if we're really saying we want to stand out from the crowd, separate ourselves from the crowd, stand out online, you know, how are we doing that? So if, if what you're doing right now is setting up a website, setting up, let's say, you're on socials. And maybe it's one of the following or a combination, Instagram, Facebook, um, TechTalk what else is out there? What else am I missing? Pinterest is out there, but it's not socials. Um, Pinterest is not social media, but let's say you just set up all of these places where you have a presence and if you're using kind of that canned language, um, then that's really not standing out. Right? And so what I mean by that canned language is there. I know you guys have seen this because I think we all go through this. When we're setting up our website, there are probably at this point, tens of thousands of doula websites, doula accounts on socials and the about me sections or the home pages or the Instagram bio read something like

Speaker 1: (04:02)
Provides doula support or provides birth support to laboring people or something like that. Right. And while that isn't terrible and it's not a lie, it is a fact it's quality. It's, it's true. It doesn't really tell people anything. It doesn't stand out right. Because what we're doing, and a lot of us did this when we set up our websites, you know, you did it. If you're listening, please don't make me feel like an idiot here, because I know I did it in the beginning too, until I kind of learned how to stand out online. But in the beginning, I think we just kind of look at all these other doula websites and see like, well, what are they doing? What's this company doing? What's that group doing? And we look to the company that we trained through maybe, and see what, how they're defining doula support.

Speaker 1: (04:41)
And so don't, I don't want you to feel like this is a bad thing, that if this is on your website, that I'm shaming you I'm totally not because it was on mine too. Like I did it too. We've all done it. I think, unless you came into this business as like a, you know, internet unicorn, I did not, I was learning as I go screwing up as I go and getting better each time just picking myself up and falling forward, failing forward, failing forward. Right. So my first round of my website was very much like that. It was that canned a doula provides educational informational. And does, you know, and like, it was very much this canned language that doesn't really tell me anything, because I can't grasp what that means. And I can't get to know you if that's what I'm seeing and you don't stand out from the crowd, you know?

Speaker 1: (05:24)
So if you're saying, provide still a support in Tampa, Florida, it's like, well, I don't, if I don't know what a doula is, then that's a problem, but that's a separate conversation. But if I don't know who you are, you know, I'm not going to just hire you because you're a doula in my town. Like I need to get to know you. You're probably going to see me naked. You're probably going to see me poop or pee or throw up or any combination, um, sweat, yell, scream, cry. Um, did I miss anything? Have I left anything bleed? Like you're going to see some really person the most intimate and personal thing. So like, I kinda need to know you. I want to see you. I want to, you know, can you set yourself apart? How can you stand out from the crowd?

Speaker 1: (06:04)
And so if that's where you've started is setting up your website, your Instagram, Facebook, whatever. That's okay. That's where we start. Like, I'm not bashing that that's a great place to start, but now we just continue to, you know, revise. We continue to go back and rework those things. And so I think this is interesting timing because I've been working with one of my clients on her way. I actually worked with a lot of my mastermind clients on their website, and I'm not a expert at websites, but I do provide, I do try to provide like a zoomed out high level version of, or high level support feedback. Right. So I will put on my hat as though I'm a potential client and I'll go to their website and take a look and give them feedback. And I think what's interesting is the first time they do this, they're like, Oh, okay, good.

Speaker 1: (06:45)
So we make iterations and we're done. And I'll say yes, but be sure it'll, you know, you can feel free to let me know when the next round of updates are done and I'll go back in and look again and see if anything stands out. And I think sometimes they're like, Oh, okay. We do that again. And the thing is about that is I continue to make updates and changes to my website all the time. And that's okay. Right. It's very dynamic. It grows with me. It expands with me. Um, I actually have like a get to do list with a lot of things that I dream about doing with my website. I just don't have the bandwidth to do it right now. It's a great website. I really like it. But there are things that I think would make it more clear and stand out a little bit more right.

Speaker 1: (07:23)
And support my potential clients on both sides a little more. And I mean, frankly, depending on when you listen to this episode, if it's before I've made those website changes. When I set up my website, I was only speaking to my ideal clients in the pregnant community. I was not speaking to doulas. And so most of my website was speaking to pregnant people. So when you jump on my website, you get an opportunity to opt into my pregnancy library, my freebie library. But you know, in some doulas find it really cool and really helpful because it gives them some ideas for things they can do in their website. Yeah. And their website and in their business. But there are tons of things that I've created for doulas that I've found ways to like stick them on the website, but it's not, it's not perfect. It's just, I'm moving forward. I'm moving forward and getting shit done. And that's actually part of next week's episode. So I don't want to go too much into that. Um, but my point being your website is a great start. Setting up your presence on socials is a great start, but then know that you can continue to revise and work on how you're standing out, how you're being yourself. And this is something that's evolving for me too.

Speaker 1: (08:35)
And I actually had a conversation with that same client this week because I just recently took some updated branding shoots. Um, had a branding photo shoot. So branding images with my photographer in town, my favorite photographer in Tampa at shutout Christina Jones. And, um, when I started to post some of the pictures, my client, that I was boxing about her website, we were just talking about websites and this and that. And you know, one of the things she said was, you know, you're right. I noticed in your most recent round of pictures, it feels more like you, and it feels like I'm getting to know you. And I very much felt like that. I very much felt when I took the pictures with Christina this time, Christina and I have worked together for like a year. Um, we didn't do too much over a quarantine because obviously quarantine, but we've worked together for a year now.

Speaker 1: (09:26)
And I feel like several shoots in with her. Um, number one, I'm more comfortable with her, but also, um, she's gotten to know me a little more and I have gotten more comfortable with showing myself and just being me and not being who I think I'm supposed to be online. And that's an evolving process of letting people get to know us a little bit more and a little bit more. And that doesn't mean, you know, I air all my dirty laundry more and more every day. It just means that I'm getting more comfortable flexing my throat chakra and speaking out and just being like totally myself when it comes to taking photos or writing my content or creating my videos or being on this podcast, it continues to evolve. And I mean, my very first shoot for like website picture stuff was, Oh, I guess that was 2018. So here, it's my third year of doing this. And I'm still evolving in this way. So know that it's not one of those one and done it should be perfectly done right now, type of things. It's, you know, we take little steps and we do things, you know, one step and then the next step and then the next step. Right.

Speaker 2: (10:29)
[inaudible]

Speaker 1: (10:36)
Okay. So how do we move forward and how do we start to, how do we start to stand out? How do we do that? Right. And I think that there's a couple points that I want to bring up one being that before we try to make ourselves stand out, I think it's important to shift our perspective. And if you remember last week, I talked about shifting the lens through which we see marketing. If you miss that episode, I highly recommend listening to episode 52. Um, but it's the same concept here. So shifting the way that we see and talk about competition and you know, so we need to shift that perspective of, of, um, standing out online and this competition come from a place of scarcity, right? And how do you shift that? So we decide that actually there are plenty, there is an abundance of potential clients in the world.

Speaker 1: (11:32)
There are 130 million births every year. You guys have probably heard me say this before, but I think it's important to say it again at this point. And so when we realize that there is an abundance, right, it's not a scarcity thing. This is, if we have an abundance mentality, then we look at the, we can look at the numbers and we can know that there's 130 million potential clients every single year, there's more than enough for everybody to go around. And so when more doulas, more birth professionals, childbirth educators, when more people start to offer services online in person, whatever, in our local area, it just means that more families will be able to receive support. It doesn't mean that there's anything less for us. And that's what we all really want. That's what we all desire in this business, right? And that's why we got into this business to help people.

Speaker 1: (12:18)
But for the bigger picture is to make sure that people are getting help. You know, and what this means is that people get to find their people on both sides, because you guys may have heard me say this too, is that I'm not for everybody. And the doula up the street is not for everybody. And the doula, you know, two States over for me, she's not for everybody. And it goes both ways, right? So that families get to find their ideal support person. They get to find somebody that is their person. And the other side of that is that we as business owners, birth professionals, childbirth educators, we get to find our ideal clients because not everybody is our ideal client.

Speaker 1: (13:04)
And this actually leads me into my next point, which is there is, it's very important to know who your ideal clients are. We need to know who we're talking to, especially now that we're not limited by our town and by our driving radius that you know, for people that we want to serve. Now, if you're working virtually you can work with people anywhere. And here's the thing about working with people online. If you're talking to everyone online, it will be really difficult to connect with anyone. I'm going to say that again, because I think it's really important. If you're talking to everyone online, it will be really difficult to connect with anyone.

Speaker 1: (13:54)
Okay. And another point that I want to bring up here is I know how frightening it can feel to be ourselves at first and to let people see us and to let people get to know us. You know that I've talked to you guys about that very first time I clicked post on a, on a blog post about my birth. And I don't know why I was so nervous. I mean, looking back, I was really nervous. I have the sweats. I felt like I wanted my husband's approval. In fact, and that's so silly cause he never, he never said anything like, Oh, you need my approval. He never said that it was my own crap, but I felt like I wanted him to look at the podcast, not podcast to look at the blog post episode, first block. Blogposts scratch that, delete that. I felt like I wanted him to read the blog post first and I wanted his feedback.

Speaker 1: (14:42)
I wanted just, I really was seeking his approval and I was very nervous about what it meant to be seen online. And to be myself, didn't want to be judged. I didn't want to be shamed. I was afraid of what people would say. I was afraid of what people would think. And here's what the thing is. It, it really, wasn't always safe to be ourselves, right? Like going back as women, especially, I mean, this applies to anybody, but you know, it hasn't always been safe for us to be ourselves. And we carry that fear in our bodies. You know? Um, even if we don't feel like we're at risk today and some people still feel like they're at risk today, if you don't feel, you know, I say women a lot. Um, but this applies to everybody. This applies to everybody. A lot of people, everybody, anybody might not feel safe in their bodies.

Speaker 1: (15:36)
And I say women because I identify as a woman. Right. But there are people who don't identify as a woman and you don't feel safe in your body. And we carry that fear with us. And so, you know, the other part of that is it might show up as a qualification block or competence block. So paying attention to the blocks, pay attention to what the thing is that you're afraid of about showing up, like, what is the thing? What is the thing behind that fear what's underneath that. And sometimes what that sounds like is I'm not qualified to do this thing. I don't have enough certifications yet. I don't have enough credentials behind my name. And I see this a ton in doula groups that doulas, I don't know. I don't think this is, I don't think this it's like this in many other industries, but I feel like doulas want all of the certifications.

Speaker 1: (16:23)
And I get, you know, the desire to have a lot of tools in your toolbox to support people. But what I don't want you to do is reach a point where you feel like you can't move forward and you can't be yourself until you have all of those other certifications and trainings. Those are great things to have, but you can start right now. You are qualified right now. And the other way that this might show up is saying, I'm not young enough. I'm not skinny enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not mature enough. Like I said, I'm not experienced enough. Blahblahblahblahblah enough to do this.

Speaker 1: (16:54)
And the truth is, you know, my belief is that, you know, you're qualified. Like God qualified you, your experienced qualified. You, you know, the day you were born, you were qualified for this, right. Everything you've done up until this point has brought you here for a reason. And so, you know, unpacking these blocks are really important to do before you move forward, because you need to really get to the point where you're comfortable and you feel safe being you because when you know who you are and when you know who you're here to help all of that chatter, it's just noise. It's just useless, noise and chatter. And it doesn't mean anything. And I want to give you an example from my real life. Um, this is probably about a year ago, maybe a little longer. I don't remember at this point, but my business was going, I was already teaching online childbirth education.

Speaker 1: (17:47)
Um, I don't know if I was working with yet, but I remembered one of my friends telling me that a group of the soccer moms that they just didn't really talk to me. They, I mean, they stood around at soccer games, just gossiping. And I found that like, I just didn't enjoy being in that energy. I didn't find it very fun. So I, it's not that I'm judging or anything. Like that's fun for them and that's okay. But I just didn't really, I didn't really want to do that. And so, um, they just decided often that they just didn't really want to talk to me cause I didn't partake in that. And that's cool. That's no big deal. I tended to like busy myself and act like I was busy with other things. But what I found was that, um, they were talking to one of my friends about my business, you know, and they were, my friend was telling me, yeah, the soccer moms, these particular group of people were saying, um, something along the lines of like, well, who is she to?

Speaker 1: (18:36)
It was exactly the thing that I was afraid of. You know, who is she to do to talk about that? Like, what is she a doctor? Is she, this is she that just really being very critical. And at first it stung, you know, it really did. And then I remembered like, actually, this is who I am. And actually, this is why it's important that I'm doing this. And actually, this is why I am qualified to do this, you know? And I was kind of it stung, you know, I'm not gonna lie and say it didn't, it did for a minute. And then I was like, it just fueled my fire. It really did. It lit a fire under my ass and it got me moving and I was like, okay. And then I went, I would do things like, you know, go back to DMS.

Speaker 1: (19:13)
Like I screenshot DM sometimes and sometimes I'll share them anonymously on my ID stories, but I saved messages that people send me to talk about. Um, you know, a chat that I did about pregnancy that they found really helpful or, you know, taking my birth courses or whatever the thing is when I get positive feedback, I look up and I think God, and I appreciate that human for being a part of my community. However, they found me, however, they came into the community, whatever they needed, they got, and I'm grateful for that experience. And when I'm having those moments like that day, that that happened. Um, I go back and I look at those things and I remind myself who I'm here to help.

Speaker 1: (19:52)
And then, and this is not something that I planned on talking about on this episode, but then I decide what I'm available for too. I decided that I am actually unavailable for those types of comments from those types of people, um, I'm available for, and I start to affirm the type of people that I'm available for. And that's part of my, my affirmations that I speak to myself or that I listen to in my ear, pods, when I go walking in the mornings is what I'm available for. And things like that have mostly fallen away. Those things don't happen very much anymore cause that I'm really just not available for it anymore.

Speaker 2: (20:27)
Okay.

Speaker 1: (20:27)
Okay. And the last point that I want to talk about for this episode about how to stand out online, the number one thing I think you can do is just to be you be yourself. And if you're not really sure what that looks like, you know, this, we don't even, we're not even close to having time on this episode to go deep on this, but the way I would start doing that is take a step back and look at some of the accounts that you follow. Um, check them out, you know, kind of scan the accounts and focus on the ones that you find yourself really attracted to the accounts that you really enjoy. The people that you really enjoy reading their content or watching their videos or watching their IgE stories and pay attention to what it is about that account that makes you want to be there.

Speaker 1: (21:12)
You know, do you feel like you are that, you know, the person that's behind the business? I mean, that is something that when I'm on discovery calls with doula. So let's, um, let's say when I opened mastermind enrollment, so mastermind enrollment will be opening in a couple months here. And when that happens, I usually open up for discovery calls and people will apply and we book a 30 minute business strategy session and almost every single time, the first thing that that person says on the other side of the phone, when we were on zoom is I feel like I already know you. I read your stuff, I watch your videos. I listened to your podcast. I feel like I already know you. And every time they say that, I feel like, okay, I'm doing a good job because I want people to know me. And that doesn't mean that I, like I said that I air everything and tell all of my personal stories and details.

Speaker 1: (21:54)
Like I don't do that. You know, we're allowed to have privacy. We're allowed to have a private life and a life outside of our businesses. But I do want people that are, that you know, are in my community or that buy things from me and that are my clients. I want them to know me. I want them to know what they're getting themselves into and who I am as a person. And what's important to me. So then when you're reviewing the accounts that you follow also pay special attention to the ones that you're not very inclined to go to their page, that you just kind of scan over there, stuff that you don't really pay much attention to it and feel into, you know, check in with yourself to see why that is, you know, are they kind of hiding behind, um, a logo? Is there, do you only see a logo and you hardly ever see the person or you never hear the voice behind the person talking?

Speaker 1: (22:39)
Um, I know for me, there were an example that I've given before you may have heard me say, was there like fashion bloggers, I'm not hugely into fashion. Right. But like, I, I like looking for some clothing inspiration. And so when I was following different fashion people and looking for clothing inspiration, at one point I remembered feeling like if they got on video or I could hear them speak in a, in one of their ID stories, there were times that I could feel their energy. Like, Oh, that's not my person. You know? And then some of them, they start talking and I'm even more magnetized to them. I'm even more attracted to showing up. Cause I'm like, yeah, I like that person. I click with them. I connect with them and I can buy with their energy. So pay attention to the accounts that you follow, because I think it's going to be a really helpful start at realizing the importance of being yourself in your own online business, Because here's the thing do, the work is intimate, it's personal and we need to get personal and our business.

Speaker 2: (23:39)
Yes.