Episode 139 transcript:

Okay. So I don't watch a lot of TV if you've been hanging out with me, you've probably heard me talk about this. I, I like hardly ever watch Netflix or regular TV outside of like movie night with the kids, but things that I choose that I pick, I just don't usually enjoy it. Um, if I'm being perfectly honest, I sometimes just feel really let down by TV and movies. So I just don't find that I enjoy spending my time doing that. But when I saw that Jennifer Lopez had this show, uh, documentary coming out on Netflix called halftime based on her super bowl performance in 2020, I was like, I'm in, I'm locked in. So I actually watched it the night it came out and I'm not like a diehard Jennifer Lopez fan, but I have, I have been a fan of hers more here and there throughout various parts of my life and her career.

Um, I wouldn't say she's like my top, but she's definitely up there. Right. And I do listen to her music pretty regularly. I let my girls hear some of it. So they know a couple of her songs pretty well, but I really loved, like, her performance just rocked me. And I was like, man, weren't we all kind of looking at her like she's 50, she's 50. Is she not just defying the laws of everything? And so watching her evolve throughout my life, cuz she's really only like 13 years older than me. She's not that much older than me. And I feel like I kind of grew up watching her grow up in a way. And she's just a little bit in front of me and watching how she's evolved and how she talks about her business and how she talks about her life over the years.

It's been really inspiring to me. And that's one of the things that I appreciate when I, um, watch artists evolve over time, you know? And so watching her documentary the other night was, was pretty awesome. It was not a letdown like a lot of TV is I don't always love like fake TV. So I guess you could argue that there's some documentaries that have some fake in them, but I appreciate when it's presented as truth and a lot of what I've always, I guess one of the things I've always taken from her is she just seems so authentic. I mean, she has a song called I'm real and she seems pretty authentic, you know, and I, as I'm growing as a woman and evolving, I appreciate looking at her and seeing that, um, she seems very comfortable in her skin and , and you can say what you want about having a team of nutritionists and personal trainers and nannies and babysitters and this and that and all these people to make her look like she does. But what you can't take away is the fact that that woman works. She puts in some work and I'm not, this episode is not about like pushing hustle culture on you or on anybody, but we can't take away the fact that she works.

So when I was watching the halftime documentary, I was thinking about these lessons that are so helpful for us as business owners that she's going through as a superstar, very famous, very wealthy international superstar who performed at the super bowl and where she comes from. So I wanna walk you through some of what I have been processing and how you can apply it to your business after watching half time. And this is helpful whether you've watched half time or not. So you don't have to have seen it. Although I do think it was pretty awesome. So the, one of the biggest things that I took away from the documentary is that JLo's not doing this for the accolades she's not doing so throughout the documentary, you see her kind of preparing for, um, various award shows during award season for her movie hustlers that she produced, um, of which I also saw and really liked it by the way.

And what you are taken through is a series of Hmm, yeah. Event events and award shows where she just doesn't win. She doesn't win an Oscar. And I didn't even realize this until watching the documentary that she hasn't won an Oscar in all of the years that she's been making films and she's made over 40 movies. Okay. And she's never won an Oscar. I, I, I know she's won awards. I don't know every award or whatever, but I think that the big one, right. And so her humanity is really showing in the, the film because you get to see side of her. That's like, yeah, I'm human. You know, this does sting. It does hurt. And she's processing the feelings. But ultimately what it comes down to is she's not doing this. She's not in show business for the accolades. She's not in show business for an Oscar.

She's here doing her thing because she loves it and she's doing it for the people who she's here to help. She's helping people. Now, one of the things she talks about in the film is the pressure to lose weight around the time of she, that she was making Selena. So I guess there were producers or some Hollywood people that were like, you need to lose, I don't know, 20, 30 pounds. I can't remember something ridiculous. And she was like teeny tiny, but she's not a huge person, right. At all. Like there was nothing, I don't know where you would lose 20 pounds off of that body. I really just can't figure that out. But remember if you weren't like around at that time, you know, if you're younger, um, I was like, see, this was the early nineties. So I was like 10, 11, 12. I was at this really formative age as a young woman for myself.

And the culture was like mega mega, mega thin, like sickly looking thin, supermodels were so thin. And that was what you saw on magazines and everywhere. And, and movie stars were like real thin, like Kate Moss thin. And to some of them that just is how their genetics, how they're built. And there are others that achieved that in really unhealthy ways. And so when they told her to lose weight, she was like, what? And it seemed to me like she had to really get really clear on who she is and get really confident and like, no, this is me, this is my body. And this is what you're gonna get, including her shape. And she was really known for her earmuffs, by the way, kids. I mean, my kids here, but yeah. And I'm so grateful that she didn't subscribe to that like ridiculously skinny fad for the accolades, because I've never been tiny.

I do think I'm well proportioned, you know, but like my body has never been tiny. I can't remember ever being in any size smaller than a nine in jeans. And this was when I was like junior sizes. Right. Cause I think junior sizes are odds like seven, you know, 5, 7, 9, which was a store 5, 7, 9. And I was always in nines. Um, and then elevens. And then as I grew up into older, you know, an adult, I think they switched to evens. Right. Cause I don't think I see anything in nines anymore. Now it's like eight, 10, and I'm pretty much an eight 10 give or take depending on what's going on, you know, and what I'm trying on and the brand and you know, all that ridiculousness, but all that to say, just to give you perspective, like I've never been a zero. And I honestly don't remember ever being smaller than a nine, even when I was like 12, my body aside from some shifting around, after having kids, I've been this height since I was about 12 and aside from the implants and then implanting and breastfeeding and da, da, da, da, like everything has been this size for the most part.

You know, there's a little extra here and there that's like squishier. Cause that's what bodies do when you reach when you're close to 40, but I've been like this size, I've never been a zero. I've never been a tiny kid. I was born nine and a half pounds. I was nine pounds, eight ounces. And I grew up with a lot of like body image stuff and skewed perception of what's what's acceptable. And there was a lot of reasons for this and a lot of things that were happening in my environment that made me feel like it wasn't okay for me to be, to, for me to live in the size body that I live in and magazines, TV, all of that was one source. Right. And then I've shared a little bit before that, like my mom's mother. So my maternal grandmother, she had like a joke and would call me like Porky, like my nickname as a newborn, like coming home from the hospital was Porky because I was a fat baby and it kind of stuck for a really long time.

And everybody thought it was really funny, but it kind of screws with you as a young girl and a young woman because the world is saying like, that's not a good thing. It's not good to be fat. You're not supposed to be chubby. You're supposed to be da, da, da, whatever the trend is for the moment, because that changes. And I've shared this before, too on Instagram, but I'll say it again, like my mom's boyfriend at one point, like I remember being about that age around the time when Jennifer Lopez was really, really blowing up after Lana. And I remember he was like, oh, you're getting a Kaspi ass. So Kaspi is my maiden name. And my mom still had the name, last name Kaspi for years. And so he was what he was trying to say was that I had a fat, but not in like a, oh, you have fat.

Like you had a cute at not like that. Just like you're getting fat. And I remember in high school, one of my boyfriend's friends was like, oh, I haven't seen you in a while. You're getting kind of big, like calling me, telling me I'm fat. And like there were series of things, right? These are just a couple that stand out in my mind. And um, I'm saying this because when I saw Jennifer Lopez on TV and proudly rocking her, it was like, oh, it's okay. The world loves her curves. Everybody's talking about her and her body. And not just that, but like her confidence and that she's owning that this is me. I'm not gonna subscribe to the BS, but I have to be a size zero. I'm not gonna drop 20, 30 pounds, whatever it was. They told her that statement made me feel like it was okay to not be the trendy size body, be in a trendy size body, you know?

And that is something that pertains to your business. So how this applies to your life and your business is anytime, any time you look around and you feel like you're not getting as many, if you're doing the comparison thing and you're looking around at well, what's trending, or what are other people doing? What's, what's expected as a business owner on social media. How many likes am I getting? How many shares, how many comments, how many reviews, all these other things, ask yourself, am I really doing this for that? Am I really doing this for likes and comments and reviews and shares for the accolades? I don't. I doubt it. You know, cause that's not what it's really about. What it's really about is helping the people. You're here to help that one person that sends you a personal message or a DM or an email, a real life human, a person that says something that I said, or you said, or wrote helped them and helped them realize that it's okay to blank, blank, blank, whatever it is. That's what this is all about.

Not about the accolade. It's not about the Oscar. It's not about a popularity contest on the internet. That's not what this is about. That's not where the magic is happening. The magic isn't happening with like a viral video that does not matter. I can tell you that one of the dumbest videos I've ever made and it's not that it's dumb. It's just that it, it it's completely pointless. It was just a silly, fun video. There's no substance. There's no message. There's no learning. There's no education. Like there's nothing behind it. I made a video for my birthday in 2021. It's a real that I put, I shared to Facebook also. And it's gone viral on Facebook. As of this morning, it has 1.2 million views. The video is I look at it and I'm like really, really humans, everything I'm out here saying, and that's, what's going viral. It's meaningless. The algorithm is so illogical. Sometimes it's a birthday video where I'm like in a robe, not sexy. I just have like no makeup. My hair's a mess. And I'm like, you know, something. I can't even remember what it says, but it's my birthday. Ha ha. And then I blow out a candle and I have like, I'm done. Like I'm dressed up. I have clothes on and I have my hair on or hair done makeup on. And I look cute.

I'll have to share the video when this podcast episode comes out, just so you can see and we'll track it. Just keep an eye on it for me, watch the video, check in with it every now and then and see how it's just totally taken off for no freaking reason. If I was in business for stuff like that, I don't think I'd be in business very long, cuz that does not matter. That's not the magic. The magic is when I'm on zoom with my private clients. The magic is when I'm on zoom group calls with the level two level three members of the online business school. The magic is when I'm in the online business school and I'm training and I'm doing group coaching and we're doing healing sessions together, healing, businesses, healing, people, healing, business owners. That's the magic.

That's what really gets me going. This 1.2 million views on this video. I was just like so confused by it. So which leads me to my second point is if I were in it for that, I wouldn't be in business very long. So the second thing that I wanted to share was my takeaway. Second biggest takeaway from the documentary is it's only a failure. It's only a failure if you quit. So throughout the movie, the film, whatever Jennifer Lopez talks a lot about how the world was like criticizing her constantly saying she can't sing. She can't do this. She can't do that. She, her love life is a failure. She hasn't had any Oscars society. The media basically calling her a failure left and right, and telling her she's no good at this and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All of these late night talk show jerks are cracking jokes about her. And can you imagine, can you imagine taking a beating all over the world and sticking with it? She's been married three times.

She's never won an Oscar in her 40 plus movies. And yet here she is. After 25 plus years continuing and keeping on despite the noise that that's not failure. Okay. That's success. She's been married three times and been in multiple relationships. That to me, I see that as she believes in love, even after being hurt, that's success. My dad's been married double as many times as her. You could joke about it. But what I see is my dad believes in love. He really does. He's a romantic at heart and I know y'all are hanging out for like pictures and videos of SBA left and rights, grandpa and Hebrew. And so when I share it's another thing that random thought. I made a reel for my dad's retirement. When he retired in like March or April, that reel has had like 12,000 views. My averages, I don't know, maybe couple thousand some get like 400.

It's so weird. There's like, no, the algorithm to me makes no sense. So I feel like you guys just want me for my dad, which is fine, cuz he's pretty awesome. But I'm, I'm joking. But like she believes in love. He believes in love. You're really gonna call her a failure. So how, what about in your business? You're gonna call yourself a failure because you didn't do blank, blank, blank by blank, blank, blank date. This woman has been at it for over 25 years, working redefining what it means to be a woman in business, redefining what it means to be a daughter of an immigrant, redefining what it means to own, who you are, what you look like, your body, what you're here to do. She's blocking out the noise, the constant really hateful stuff that people have said about her.

And she's just continuing to do her thing laughing all the way to the bank. Okay? I mean, she's boarding private jets. Like you can say what you want, but she like, she's doing all right. I'm not mad at that. 

She's redefining what it means to be a mother, a mother, who's an entrepreneur, a business owner. She's redefining success. How can we call that a failure? How can you look at your life? How can you look at your business at what you may have been thinking like, oh, I just didn't hit the benchmark. I didn't hit what I wanted. I didn't do this. I didn't do that. I didn't have this many people come do this or that or whatever. Or I didn't get an award or I didn't make the 40 under 40 or whatever.

I didn't make the Amazon best sellers list or New York times best sellers list when I wrote my book. So that means you're a failure. I don't think so. If you quit and throw in the towel that then yeah, that's failing. But if you keep going, you it's impossible to fail. It's impossible. Okay. So I, I really hope that you liked this. This is kind of like a different kind of episode. And I really like it. It flowed really easy and it felt fun. Um, I tied in some business lessons for us because yeah, you can tie it into your personal life, too business personal either way, but either way, I hope you liked it. I hope you watched half time. Tell me, like, let's have a conversation on the gram about it. Did you watch it? What did you think? What was your biggest takeaway?

Yeah. And side note. One of the things I love about documentaries, um, and lately like reading memoirs, I really find that I love hearing stories. I love hearing about humans and how they navigate the world and how they move through life and how they, how they keep going and how they found their passion and just how they endured and how they healed and how they grew and expanded. Like, it's really hard for me to continue disliking somebody after I've heard their story. Now there are exceptions to that rule. There's people that I don't care what they say. I'm just, they're just a no for me. I know I'm not supposed to say that. Right. We're not supposed to be judgey, but I do judge I'm human, but generally I love hearing stories like this. Um, and not just like Uber successful stories, but stories of real people, you know, I just finished reading Tunde’s book.

Um, I don't know if there's any Peloton people out here, but like I'm a big Peloton fan now. I've been Peloton for a little while and I love tune day and I just read her book speak. We might need to have a whole episode on that too. Tell me what you think. All right. Have a beautiful week friends. I'll talk to you soon.